Every once in a while, I get an opportunity to help share someone’s story in a unique way: I get to put together a memorial folder for their funeral.
A personalized memorial folder gives families an opportunity to share meaningful memories, inside jokes, and favorite photos that are part of a loved one's life story.
Sensitive professionals
Most recently, I worked with Matthysse Kuiper DeGraaf Funeral Directors to create a memorial folder honoring Megan Gearing. Now, I don’t know Megan Gearing, but Matthysse Kuiper DeGraaf does such a good job of gently gathering information from family members, that they were able to give me the details I needed to create the folder shown above. (Click the image to view a readable PDF.) The family loved it.
I first met Mike Matthysse, who serves from the Grandville, Michigan, location of his family’s funeral home, in 2006 when a friend of my family, Marian Vredeveld, died suddenly. We met again about three years later when her husband, Richard Vredeveld, died. In both situations, Mike and his team were very gentle in all their interactions with us, while efficiently taking care of all the details none of us realized were necessary.
As a matter of course, the staff at Matthysse Kuiper DeGraaf “interview” the family to learn as much as possible about the deceased. This helps them convey the person’s story in a meaningful obituary, and it gives them insight so they can guide the family through choices involved with planning the visitation and service. Marian and Richard’s children had pretty specific ideas about the services for both Mom and Dad, and I was honored to design the bulletins for both and work with Mike to make them available. (Richard Vredeveld’s memorial folder was one of my favorite projects of 2009.)
At some point in this process, Mike realized that custom memorial folders should be an extension of Matthysse Kuiper DeGraaf’s existing ministry to grieving families, so we began working together to make that happen.
Meaningful keepsake
Even if the funeral home serving your family is not as sophisticated as Matthysse Kuiper DeGraaf, you can still share your loved one’s story, as the family of Del Dykstra did (below). Del’s wife Eileen just wanted something simple to hand out at his memorial service, so she put together a collection of photos that gave people a glimpse of Del’s personality. (Click the image to view a readable PDF.) We chose a size small enough (4.25×5.5″) to fit conveniently in a Bible or other book, yet large enough to comfortably display six photos, captions, and a couple of meaningful quotes on the back. This little folder became a keepsake treasured by family and friends alike.
Del Dykstra's wife worked with me to create this small photo keepsake to hand out at his memorial service.
Planning ahead
Obviously, facing the loss of a loved one creates a maelstrom of emotions that can make it difficult to think about the best way to share that person’s story in just a handful of photos and words. (That’s why it can be so helpful to work with an experienced funeral director who knows what kinds of questions to ask.) But you can plan ahead and thus make the responsibilities easier when the time comes.
Maybe you want to set up folders on your computer—for yourself and for any loved ones whose funerals you might one day be involved in. In these folders, drag copies of photos that mark significant occasions or that simply make you smile. Maybe start a Word document where you list the captions for each of these photos. Include songs or favorite quotes or meaningful Bible verses in this document as well.
This doesn’t have to be a morbid project! In fact, I think the more you talk about your life stories now, and the more you plan how you want to be remembered, the more prepared and less fearful you become.
What do you think? Planning funerals now (your own or your loved ones’)—would you consider that wise? Macabre? Presumptive? Healthy?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Beautiful pieces…what a great way to partner with the funeral home in order to make these keepsakes for the families.
Nicely done, as usual.
Thanks Mom! I actually got my start in this when we worked on Grandma Homans’ funeral together, and then again when we worked on Grandma Jongsma’s. It just made sense that a family should be sharing these important moments together and telling these important stories. No matter how good a funeral director is, he can’t tell your loved one’s story. But if he’s really good, he can help YOU tell it.
Thanks Amanda. It’s really a great way to bring some joy and good memories into what is often a stressful and difficult time. I’m honored to work with Matthysse Kuiper DeGraaf. They are a real ministry.
Hi Melanie,
I always thought it would be cool to record a video that I could play at my funeral, and I’ve often wondered if that could be a service anyone else would want. Like you say, it’s a shame that we separate ourselves from the deaths of those we love and even our own, and a little advance planning could make the inevitable a lot less frightening.
Wow, it seems like a video would be a bold undertaking! I mean, it would really force you to think about what’s important to you and what you want to say. And I suppose you’d want to update it periodically as well. I wonder if that would be a good New Year’s Day tradition—record some reflections on the past year and some hopes for the coming year.
{ 3 trackbacks }